Beyond The Overloaded Cuteness

Her cuteness is just overwhelming!

I spent a lot more time with my second child than any other human being in this world. I teach her everything she's interested in, I spend my time making sure she runs around, mess around as much as she likes. I try my best to make sure she has a happy childhood, and not a lonely one.

Sometimes I watch her sleep, and I told myself I'm such a lucky mother to have her. Before her, I was a mess. I spent a lot of time having emotional roller coasters, crying and stressing over how I should handle my first child and what future is like for him.

When I was carrying her, I made sure my emotion was as stable as it could be. I didn't want to cause her any damage from the starting line. And now that she's communicating in her baby way, I no longer feel that I am talking to the wall the whole day. I am finally getting responses, even though not from both kids.

Sometimes I feel worried for her, does she feel lonely when the big brother doesn't want to play with her? Did I put too much invisible stress on her for hoping that she will be the one who leads the big brother for more and better progress? Do I sometimes neglect her needs of being a small baby for more cuddling and pampering because I have to focus on the elder one?

I find it hard to find a balance. On one hand, I am afraid of putting on too much attention playing with her and neglect the non communicating brother. On another hand, I am afraid that I give in to the brother more often than her, that will result her to feel neglected. And often, I fall in the the pit we call "mom guilt" and it sucks.

Beyond this cuteness, I'm always worried if anything I do or did wrongly would damage her one way or another. And most of all, sometimes I have a strong feeling that, I cannot lose this child. She is the most important thing to me.

带孩子旅行去～

摄于清境，青青草原

带孩子旅行辛苦吗？
辛苦啊～

摄于台北101

带孩子旅行累吗？
男人说比他工作还累。对我而言，就是跟我的每一天一样。或者其实更好一些，因为我无需做家务啊。

又累又辛苦，为什么要去呢？
第一、距离我上一次出走，已经是一年了。我是不能够静静呆着的，我真的想走走。
第二、大儿子6个月就出国了，小女儿现在都八个月了，可以带了啊～
第三、趁孩子还小，没有被上课的时间表束缚的时候自由行走，可以避过学校假期的高峰期。

一家人出游的状况，两个推车，两个行李箱。爸妈各自背一个背包。

第四、这是唯一的腻在一起的方式。
男人每天上班的时间很长。早上睡醒，和小女儿说几句话，抱着儿子上学就上班了。晚上他回来，女儿睡了，儿子多数还没睡，不过也在房间里了。只有星期日才有时间真正的陪伴。这一次出游一周，是女儿出生以来第一次享受着父母全天候的陪伴，也是儿子隔了一年享受这种陪伴。这样的陪伴，我们才观察到他们的习性，他们的进步，他们之间很奇特的沟通等等。如果没有放下工作，放下家里的家务，是不可能这样陪伴的。

带孩子出游，心理准备要有，因为总是很多状况。比如说下雨了，就得依据天气做行程的更改。结果，明明天晴了才出发，到达目的地也是起雾下雨。

浪漫朦胧的阳明山……

比如说，把推车推到淡水情人桥，发现只有楼梯！

男人连人带车一起扛上情人桥

比如说，到了青青草原，儿子不知道为什么完全不合作。因为青青草原的阶梯很多，我们没带推车，结果老爸他全程抱。

看得出来，他是很不喜欢这里

比如说，儿子把奶瓶弄丢了，我晚上11点跑着去邻近的商店买奶瓶。

比如说，女儿把袜子全都弄丢了，把奶嘴也弄丢了。

比如说，儿子最后几天罢吃，我们天天都买面包！

比如说，多叫儿子的分量他却不吃，吃的我们很撑。

比如说，以为天气会冷，都把他们的外套穿上，结果出大太阳，摄氏30度，是想热死谁？？！！

比如说，他两太累了，我们让他们睡到自然醒，结果，三点才到阳明山……

比如说，明明天气很冷，他们两都不穿袜子。

野人两个

比如说，明明高铁上很安静，他两大喊大叫，我们只好开手机。

兄妹两

等等等等……

带孩子出门，要做最好最周详的计划，然后有心理准备随时要更改。

进步了，微笑了

怀孕的时候，会想象以后怎样怎样带孩子。牵着他的小手去游乐场，在草场上追逐，在家里用诺大张的画纸胡乱涂鸦，踏青看花看草看小鸟……种种的美好画面，至今都还没有实现。

说没有心灰是自欺欺人的。但日子总要过，漫漫长路还是得对自己好一点。Happy Mommy, Happy Family。自己要不放宽心，连累家人就不好。这些日子以来，还是要称赞枕边人的坚强，往往在我面对不了的时候，鼓励我。最重要的一句话，“自己都照顾不好自己，怎样照顾好他？”

眼泪吞下去，日子一样过。

去年从新西兰回来，决定小孩不可以再这样下去，积极的寻找治疗。Early intervention七月开始，Physiotherapy 十月开始。一路走来，进步不少。从不敢走路，变成牵着手走路。从只敢在室内走路，慢慢延伸到室外。从到游乐场哭哭啼啼，到现在在不抗拒（还是不玩，但至少不哭）。

以前一直不明白为什么他不肯走，会走了还是捉得实实的不放手。后来才知道，是缺乏信心。我甚至怀疑，他是自卑吗？年纪这么小，会感到自卑吗？

曾经有一位长辈，看着别的小孩跑来跑去，就跟小子说：“你看别人都跑了，你还要抱抱。”我听了很气，但不可以发火，只好以我最平静的口气说，不可以这样说，每个小孩都是不一样的。千万别以为他听不懂，他不说话，但什么都懂。即使你无意，还是会伤他弱小的心灵。

对，他是慢。但贵在努力，贵在有进步。他的每一个小进步，我们都开心的庆祝。我们的努力没有白费，老师们和治疗师们的功劳也不小。

漫漫长路，孩子，加油！

还记得上一次带他和朋友的小孩一起在这里玩，玩得他哭哭啼啼的

最喜欢玩水，雨天好开心

一路走回家，对身边的事物一样一样的研究

很喜欢学校的秋千

今天他勇敢的在室外走来走去，今天由他主导我们的路线

我要坚强，为自己，为两个小瓜。

我和喂人奶这码事

从来都不是等号。

大儿子出世的时候，医院都是鼓励妈妈喂人奶的。住院的那两天其实还可以，孩子还是有吸的，虽然吸的也不是特好，至少在护士的帮助之下还是吸了。结果，出院当天因为儿子的黄疸指数偏高，需要留院照灯。多留一晚的他，护士用奶瓶喂奶，回家就不再吸(.)(.)了。严重到我一脱衣服他就哭。挣扎好久，最后我成了exclusively pump mother。因为奶水不足，所以六个月之内，都是人奶和奶粉混着喝。

女儿出世之前，我知道喂人奶很难。生产前比以前多做点功课，希望第二胎会成功。成功对我有点重要，因为大儿子现在出门基本上只带衣服，奶粉啊食物啊都不带。所以我希望我成功喂人奶呢，那就只带两兄妹的衣服出门就对了。

但是万万没想到，第二胎也是一样难。不是她不吸，而是她觉得我的(.)(.)太舒服。一碰上就睡觉，一离开就清醒大哭（因为还是很饿），然后猛吸几口再睡着。这种折磨可维持1-2个小时后，她才甘愿乖乖的喝15分钟。然后一个小时以后又哭了，又在重复！这样下来，出院的那一天我基本上没睡觉。

隔一天，我为了自己的睡眠，用了几次奶瓶。结果，女儿就学会了咬！没有牙齿的她，都可以咬到我(.)出血！痛不欲生啊！所以，我又再一度成为exclusively pump mother。

亲喂人奶这码事，好像永远都不关我的事。不知道为什么，就是太难了。都是在孩子出世一周以内放弃的事。有些事情，真的是望尘莫及的～

放弃亲喂以后，妈妈才开始有力气为她拍照～

计划赶不上变化

因为计划催生，我跟朋友说，我怀两胎都从来不是顺产。不知道那是什么滋味。

是女儿心急？还是女儿知道妈妈在想什么？周六清晨，我被阵痛吓醒。当时还很模糊，觉得可能是假象（好多孕妇在接近产期会有的现象），看了时钟，倒头再睡。结果，第二次阵痛再次来袭！而且很痛！看闹钟，什么？！才过十五分钟？？！！！

还在犹豫该怎么办，犹豫该不该把男人和妈妈叫醒。想想，还是先上大号（觉得自己做了很聪明的选择）。上完大号，我竟然继续倒头睡。结果，15分钟后的阵痛再次来袭～～～这次我真的醒了！心想，再来第四次就该把大家叫醒了！

然后，和大家形容的一样，洗澡啊，赶快吃早餐啊，准备所有用品，还给儿子喂奶，换衣，告诉他妈妈要生妹妹了，很快就可以和妹妹见面！这样一拖再拖，我到医院已经是两个小时多以后的事。

打针，等待，然后，入院的四个小时以后，女儿就呱呱落地啦～

原本啊，周六我还打算吃点心，吃mac and cheese，吃这吃那……结果，计划赶不上变化，女儿迫不及待见我们，我也就尝试了一次顺产。

小瓜和她出世前我为她准备的卡

坐月子本来就不是容易的事，现在两个瓜，真的是大便都不得空～～～

A Moment We've Been Waiting For

Yes, just walking into the classroom leisurely with new Mickey backpack

We've been waiting for this day to happen, to see our son walks independently. He is currently 2 years and 3 months old.

Have you seen movies where the parents were so happy when the baby makes the first step? Yea, it's not like what I have ever imagined. Our baby boy never did make a clear line of when was the day he finally took his first step.

He's been cruising around since... I can't even remember. He's been cruising long enough. And when I brought him to Sydney, he walked if I held his two hands behind him, he even chased seagulls like that. And then slowly we held one hand. And, we stuck at that stage for a very long time too. Then one fine day, he walked two steps towards me when I'm helping him to work out and warm up his muscles. And that too, we were stuck there for a long time.

And then two steps became three, became five, became ten, gradually. And finally this year, he walks into the classroom on his own. From the beginning of the year till this Wednesday, he still needed a lot of encouragement. I always drop him early, always one of the earliest to reach the center. And teachers are still not occupied at that time, and they form such an entourage. One will be helping him with his stuffs (parents are not allowed to accompany the child into the classroom), one will be in front of him to encourage him, to assure him that if he falls she'll be there, one will be at the side, one at the classroom calling his name etc. It is always a BIG thing when he walks in, every single time.

And this Wednesday, as I was talking to the director of the center, the teacher told me, he's already in the room. Whoa! That's my boy! And I thought, the backpack I ordered last month can finally be in good use! I've been waiting for this moment! This backpack is to symbolise that he finally made it, on his own! But unlike the movie, no tears, no drama, just simply happy and grateful.

Grateful that it finally happens! Grateful that it pays off, all our effort! Grateful that we've got all these helps from therapists and teachers!

Good job my boy! Good job!

两周岁了～

好多礼物，好多气球，好多食物！

上个星期，我儿子终于两岁了！他不高不矮，不胖不瘦，刚刚好的一个两周岁的小男孩。不再是baby了。

今年和去年一样，我们都在槟城给他庆祝。今年我还在淘宝淘了十二个可爱的动物造型气球。面对满屋的家人亲戚，满桌的食物，满地的气球和礼物，还穿上外婆买的水手装，多高兴！无他，他就是喜欢热闹。

玩水乐～

这次回家比较久，大姨送的水池派上在炎炎的夏日派上用场。连续两个周末都请两位表姐一起玩。三个瓜在小小的水池玩的很开心。虽然我们觉得水池很小，但小孩其实一点都不介意。玩到高声尖叫，搞到隔壁的三姐妹羡慕不已。水池真的很小，我也不能邀请他们。

没有水池，洗澡也不错。

这个周末，很可惜的我和妈妈得到了红眼症，所以不敢请表姐们来。儿子只好自己玩。你看，小小的水桶，一样高兴。小孩是很容易满足的！

不知不觉中，这个小瓜已经不再（强烈）需要我。我红眼症的那几天，不好意思到家婆家，但是祖父母爱孙心切，旅行回来好想看孙，所以我就把儿子寄在家婆家吃晚餐。我跟他解释的时候，他是不愿意的，嘴嘟嘟，有点生气。不过当大家陆续下班回家，他就忘记了。婆婆喂他吃饭，姑姑喂他吃苹果，姐姐给他唱歌，大家称赞他好孩子，高兴的他都忘了妈妈是谁。晚上送他回来，还兴奋到睡不着～

真没想到，两岁一过就突然长大了。

两岁了，无他，就只求他健康快乐。为母的都会明白。

All I Want To Do With You

Practicing his walk

Life is never fair.

When we're young we're taught to be good, be kind, be helpful, be friendly, and good things will happen. A teaching of all the religions from different parts of the world. I'm not the best person you've ever met, but I'm not a bad one. I do my part as a daughter, as a wife, as a sister, as a friend, and as a mother, with all my hearts. I do my part as a resident on earth, to recycle, to keep places clean.

But good things and luck do actually run out of stock and they stop coming to you.

When I was pregnant, I've never want him to be the person to change the world, because it's enough for him to change mine.

I've just want him to be as normal as I am, reasonably happy and healthy life.

I've wanted to teach him what I like, taking photo, playing piano, drawing, reading. These may not make a living, but it keeps your life healthy.

I've wanted to teach him swimming because I want to go island holidays with him, to soak in the traffic of the little fishes. To be awed by the beauty of nature.

I've wanted to teach him to yoga because it's good for health.

I've wanted to teach him liking to exercise, because one day we will hike to see a snow capped mountain, or a volcano.

I've eaten healthy food, and enough exercise before and during my pregnancy. But no matter what you do, you can never predict what will happen.

It's a pain to turn on social media page and see all the friends and acquittances sharing what their children are doing at current stage. While looking at him, he's not speaking or walking. It's a pain in your heart that you'll never find a way or words to describe to anybody. And it's even painful everyday, as a mother, you suspect he's the special child.

No diagnosis can be done at this moment as he's too young. We have no definite answer, but we can help him by enrolling him in the early intervention program, getting him to be trained by professionals, for tasks as simple as walking and recognising objects. Things we take for granted.

As for me, I will have to learn to cope with all the feelings, learn to love myself more, help myself to feel worth.

I really hope whatever ramblings I have right now, will turn into jokes in years down the road, for being so negative and worry for nothing. I'd rather be a joke, than having his life turning upside down.

And one day, I'll do all the fun things with him.

Packing Tips When You're Traveling with Baby

Traveling with baby (A trolley luggage for baby and me, a backpack function as diaper bag + camera bag, a stroller, and a carrier)

When we went to Amsterdam last year, my husband, baby and I brought two trolley luggages (1.5 full, another 0.5 for any shopping we want to do in Amsterdam), a diaper bag (me), a backpack (husband), and a stroller. While it wasn't the lightest we can do, but it wasn't very bad as public transports are really convenient in Amsterdam. 

This year however, we went to New Zealand without my husband. While there are 10 other people that could lend a hand to me (or some luggage space), I still try me best to pack everything in one bag, so that I'm capable of carry everything on my own! And the picture above proves to you, it's totally doable. 

1. Pack Light
   Yes, it's still possible to pack light with a baby. Assuming you're traveling for two weeks, do NOT bring two weeks worth of clothes. Instead, bring clothes for 4 (or 5 if you're really worried) days, and wash them along the way. Best to rent a place with washing machine. Or, maybe some self service laundry nearby.
2. Buy diapers at your destination
   Bring just enough diapers for your journey and the first day of your trip. Buy diapers at your destination. And buy smaller packs if it's available to avoid bringing more diapers back home.
3. Bring refill pack milk powder
   Buy milk powder at your destination, start to mix the milk you bring over from home with the new ones to get the baby ready to switch milk powder for the days during the trip. Suggest to only do this to baby over a year of age.
4. Bring zip lock bags
   Bring zip lock bags to pack milk powder in one serving size each so that you do not have to bring the entire can of milk powder home at the end of your trip. You can also pack milk powder to your destination in zip lock bags to save space.
5. Bring a "portable high chair"
   This doesn't help to save space in your luggage, but something useful along the trip. Please refer to this post.
6. Bring clothes/towels/toiletries/shoes (anything!!!) that you can throw
   This is the best way to come back from trip with a lighter bag!And the best chance to clear the clutter in your room and wardrobe! This is the best travel tips I learned from my sister over the years of traveling
7. Always use a vacuum bag
   Vacuum bags are life savers! Pack your clothes into vacuum bag and squeeze the hell out! You can pack 25-50% more into the same luggage space with vacuum bags. Get medium size bags, they're always easier to pack than the larger ones. Bring extra so that you can vacuum your purchase too.
8. Bring your baby's favourite pillow/toy/bolster/blanket
   Always have something familiar for your baby on the road. The familiar smell from home brings some calmness to the baby. But do NOT over bring, chances are you do not have time for all his toys. Tidbits like raisins/baby biscuits are useful when you're on a road trip.
9. Always do homework on your destination
   Read blogs, find out from forum, is your destination stroller friendly? Will there be a lot of walking? How's the weather? This helps you to decide whether to bring just the stroller? Or just the carrier? Or maybe both? (For example, we brought carrier and stroller for both Amsterdam and New Zealand. But if you're going to Hong Kong, just bring the carrier). 

Do not bring more than you can carry, and hope you can get help, or use a trolley in airport etc. Bring just enough necessities, don't tire yourself up. If you really can't squeeze in anymore, buy toiletries when you arrive at your destination. That saves up a lot of space and weight. 

Remember, when there's a will, there's a way. Do not use "having children" as an excuse for not traveling, traveling with your kids is a very good experience for yourself and the kids. 

Happy packing! Happy traveling!

Travel with a Baby

Baby with the portable "high chair"

You've never realized how many gadgets and accessories you have for your baby until you're traveling!

I always try to minimize purchase for baby. But when it comes to travel, sometimes, some accessories are more helpful than you thought they are. And this "portable high chair" is one of them!

If you're renting a car, you could rent a baby car seat. But there's no way you could rent a high chair. And let's admit it, you do encounter places with no high chair. When baby is younger, it's not too much a trouble to have him on my lap while I eat. But now that he's much bigger, taller, heavier, and love my food too, I'd rather have him on his own seat.

And this portable high chair comes to rescue!

It's easy to use, as long as you have got a chair with back support, you can easily "lock" the baby to the chair. It's definitely not as safe as a high chair, especially your chair doesn't come with the arm rest. So you still need to keep an eye on your baby while he's in it. But really, this is better than nothing for me!

I've not used it since we're back to Singapore. But I've used it couple of times during our NZ trip. Either in the youth hostel we stayed, or some restaurants.

I've bought mine from here, instructions on how to use can be found in the link too.

I am not earning anything from sharing this information. Just like to share with this the traveling parents!

我以为我会失去你

躺在病床上，是多么的无助

看孩子生病，是件很痛苦的事。送孩子入院，是很心痛的事。

但是，比这一切还要可怕的是，就是没有人能够告诉你，在医院里睡了两天，昏昏沉沉不能醒来的孩子会没事的。没有人会肯定的告诉你，“Everything will be okay”。

这种等他醒来才能做决定的等待，是煎熬的。

入院的那晚我完全没睡，深怕睡着了会发生什么事。

躺在病床边，护士体贴地给我准备了三张椅子（好让我可以躺下），被单和枕头。这样的小举动，我也竟然感动得想哭。当下的我，情绪是多么的不稳定。

我躺着，望着机器，听着他的心跳。我拿起笔记，想写些什么，但没写下多少。写完以后，看一下自己的字迹，发现我的每一行字都往下倾。

让我想起了小时候玩的一个心理测验。在空白的纸上写字，如果字体往上，那你是开心的。如果字体往下，那你是伤心的。以前，我的字体都是往上飞的。

我为了证明这是错的，抑或是证明我是快乐的，我更努力的写更多，但是不管我写了几面，它们都不由自主的往下滑。

原来，这个测验还不是100％的笨。原来，是真的。

Fast forward四个晚上，孩子逐渐清醒。老土的说，心里的那块石头真的有几千几万吨重。他醒来的那个晚上，总算轻了一些。就连医生脸上也终于挂上了放心的微笑。

不瞒你说，我几乎以为我会失去他。那种撕心裂肺的感觉，只能够铭记于心。

跟自己说，以后不管孩子发生什么事，只要不是离开我，就可以了。

祝，身体健康。

Do You Sleep When Baby Sleeps?

Hah!

Really! Most of us don't. There might be a bunch of mothers who do that, but often I do see parents sharing comics of how mothers feel when baby sleeps. We're tired, but like our own babies, we refuse to sleep when we're tired.

Like mothers like babies, they just run in the genes!

When baby sleeps, we're so excited and at the same time trying to be as ninja as possible. Rolling out from the bed as quiet as possible, fear that any nanometers movements will set him open his bright eyes and smile to us (It's worse when they start wailing but really I'm trying to show you the sweet side of babies). When they do, we do sighs, pitiful of ourselves, and roll back to his side and continue the game of pretending to sleep.

Real. Life. Story.

Every. Single. Night!

Sometimes I get the question, "Do you sleep when he sleeps?". And whenever I told The Man, he would chuckle like it's a silly idea. Because even he's not at home quite that often. But when he does, he would sneak out after the baby sleeps. Claiming victory that he, the father has finally got the baby to fall asleep under his care!

We're terribly helpless night owls. Whenever baby sleeps, we will start munching away on titbits, checking out on phones, watching TV, reading, etc. Until we think it's really too late. Because that one-two hours is the only time we're capable of talking to each other.

Or, just do nothing at all.

Because doing nothing at all, has becoming a fairy tale. Parents sitting side by side and do nothing at all, is the closest thing to romantic.

Whenever baby takes a nap in the afternoon, I have a list of things to do. And they're in two categories, "things I do because I have to" and "things I want to do and because I'd be happy".

You should know by heart what are in the first category, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, dishes, cooking, preparing ingredients for the next meal, maintaining the water and hot water supply, did I mention laundry? Then, washing dishes. Then, did I mention laundry?

Then, there are things I like to do.

Coffee and crackers with peanut butter, mmm....

I make a cup of coffee when baby sleeps. It probably feels like popping champagne to celebrate. Then, I'll do whatever I am probably addicted or committed to at that moment.

It can be a comedy (There's only ONE comedy that I'm still watching, TBBT!)

One book after another, this is the second one in a week

It can be a novel! I missed the days when I go sleepless because of a book. Recently I got myself into this shit again, I got a few books from library. Seriously hooked, bad bad thing.

It can be an online course (I'm so proud of myself I actually completed an online course!!!)

It can be colouring, because as cliche as it sounds, it does take the mind off for a moment.

Stretching makes everything better

It can be yoga, because my tummy is showing, and because I'm more susceptible to neck and back pain since having baby.

It can be just reading some new things I want to learn, painting, drawing, typography, recipe...

It can be just blogging.

It can be mini project I'm doing, like my 30 days with 50mm.

And the list goes on forever and ever, because I never stop wanting to do things.

With luck I can have one hour to do the chores and one hour for my hobby. With no luck, baby wakes up too early for hobby.

With laze, I neglect my chores, and do whatever I like and pay back another day. And that absolutely feels so good, when I neglect, not when I pay back.

And when the happy hour ends, I usually sigh. Not because I don't love my boy, it's just I am really in the middle of something!

We don't sleep not because we're not tired. We don't sleep because simply we have a lot to do, whether it's for the house or just to keep ourselves sane.

Sometimes, I sleep too. Because the eyelids are simply heavier than the laundry basket.

So, do I sleep when baby sleeps?
Nah, it's happy hour, nobody sleeps during happy hour =)

Exersaucer

之前提及的，我给儿子租了一个Exersaucer。对于对Exersaucer不熟悉的妈妈们，这就是Exersacuer了！

Baby in the Exersaucer

其实Exersaucer和我们小时候用的walker很相似，但是下面的轮子被一个大盘子取代了。坐在里面的小瓜不能再满屋跑，只能在原地转啊转。当然，就是玩玩身边的玩具。当然，也可以学站，学跳。

玩啊，玩啊！～很认真的样子。

长劲鹿有这么好吃吗？

网上很多妈妈对这个玩具非常的不满意，且极度反对妈妈们使用。反对的原因主要是对孩子的盘骨不好。我对此也有点赞同，但是我并不是把孩子放在里面后，就不理他，让他在里面久久不出来。多数时候，我都陪他一起玩，每一次只在里面做15-30分钟。从来都不超过半小时。

也多得它，孩子才开始比较能够接受触摸不熟悉的东西。

虽然孩子对他的玩具基本只保持不到一周的新鲜感，但是对Exersacuer却能够保持将近一个月。是这几天才开始厌倦，越来越不想跳了。刚刚好，今天期满，还回去了！

等我们回来，再租别的玩！ :)

我是从Rent That Toy租的。这个玩意外面卖要$249，我租一个月$40。虽然也不算很便宜，不过这玩具不会玩很久，而且很碍地方，以后不玩了也很难收。房子不大，想到要收就头痛。所以，这类的玩具我还是选择租。

Exersaucer是我租玩具的初尝试。非常满意，肯定还会租。只要租满$35，就免运费。而且，每一次租玩具都累积分数，积分足够就可以扣租金。不错的。

快一岁了！

很快哦，这个小瓜快一岁了！啊，没想到原来我当妈当了这些日子！

快一岁的他，很多进展都比同龄孩慢。说真的，这种慢真有压力。身旁关心的话语很多，但是有时候关心多了，难免让心里有点难受。压力就慢慢的累积起来。

其实我天天看他，虽然进展是慢了一些，不过他是真的有在进步。只是哦，他性格比较胆小，跌过了就怕怕不做了。而且，不熟悉的，他不会碰。也很容易气馁，试过三次，做不到，算了，还是躺着吃手指好。

之前逛街在商场里让他试玩Exersaucer，他很喜欢。但很贵！于是，我租了一个。这一个月以来，他每天都玩。虽然网络上反对声四起，我还是得谢谢那Exersaucer。自从玩了它，他比较喜欢接触东西，对摸摸四处的事物比较不抗拒。（我觉得他可能有洁癖还是什么的，不摸不碰，也不喜欢不熟悉的人摸他。）

这个月以来，开始触摸了，开始向前跌（要爬但是不会，就跌啊！），上周日他爸爸生日的时候，他还自行拿汤匙要吃（虽然里面什么都没有！）。

别人看，或许觉得，怎么他还是什么都不会。

我看呢，他已经进步了。孩子有自己的步伐和性格，急也急不来。

我看他近来对吃比较有兴趣了，今天就让他玩玩吧！下午吃剩的金瓜，我晚餐时，弄热让他玩玩。结果，像每个小瓜一样，一个字——脏！

还得意洋洋！～

吃到一半，想到风扇！（所有有风的，他都喜欢，最爱冷气机）

脸上都是金瓜。脸上的算少了，椅背上、背后上、大腿上、地上、头上、耳后……

明天再玩吧！～

洗澡！！！

40 Weeks and 3 Days

Pregnant for 40 weeks and 3 days vs. Baby age 40 weeks and 3 days

I've been waiting to take this photo for a long time, finally it's 40 weeks and 3 days on 10th July 2015.

I was wearing the exact same top and bottom, it's scary to see how huge I became when I was pregnant! 40 weeks and 3 days was 2 days before baby was born, it's one day before I was admitted to hospital to induce for labour. What a horror...

Anyway, it's all over now, the super heavy tummy grow up to be a heavy baby :)

I'm Happy with My Choice

Last Sunday, we were at The Man's friend's house for a small gathering party. One of the friend is expecting and so we were chatting about labour, pregnancy and baby. Seems like once we entered the age of 30, this becomes the topic in gatherings. Oh well...

We were telling them our horrible labour and my depressing breastfeeding. Yes, my breastfeeding journey wasn't the best to start with.

I cried several times during the first month. Because it hurts like hell when the breasts are engorged. Because it hurts even more when you try to remove the blockage. Because I never had sleep for more than three hours. And I was considered lucky among exclusively pumping mothers for a start. Because baby didn't start with every two hourly feeding, he probably has a better stomach space, so he started with three hourly. Every night, after feeding, I put him to sleep, and I pumped, and I washed and sanitized. By the time I go to bed, I only have another 1-2hours before another feeding.

Most of all, I was suffering because I was torn, between being a wonderfully good mother that provides breast milk no matter what the hell it takes, or to be a functioning human again. And I chose the first one. And it didn't do me very well emotionally.

"Should I stop pumping?" was the most frequently discussed question I had with The Man during the first month. After the first month, I still occasionally thought of stopping. For example like when I got small bumps around the breasts that were caused by bacteria infection. I can't even understand where those infections come from. And worst? The treatment is to put a super hot towel on the bumps and then apply the anti bacterial cream. As if it didn't hurt enough.

I wanted to stop when I have sore nipples. I wanted to stop when the skin flaked off around my nipples and breasts! I wanted to stop when all the veins are coming out... I wanted to stop so many times, but I did what other mothers will do, I continued.

All these ups and downs carried out for 6 months, when I finally declared, TIME TO PACK MY PUMPS! I gradually decreased the frequency of pumping, and finally, the supply came to a stop. Just days before our Amsterdam trip, just in time!

When I was in Amsterdam, I have already put my pain behind. I had coffee and beer like nobody business throughout the trip. I eat whatever I want, I drink whatever I want. I do not worry about how my breasts feel. I do not think of how much I produce. I do not worry if there's any nursing room...

I'm FREE! And I like it!

When we were talking about all these during the party, I realized I was so much more happier now compared to then. Life was okay when my parents are around to help. But when I was alone, I barely had any moments to stop. I have to cook to take care of myself, I have to take care of baby, I have to nurse him, I have to pump, I have to wash, I have to sanitize... And these just go on and on and on.

Now that I've stopped. I feel more relaxed, and I put more attention on my baby.

I'm not writing these to discourage anybody to stop breastfeeding. I'm not arguing the benefits of breastfeeding. What I am trying to tell here, is that breastfeeding doesn't come easy for everybody. It didn't just happen. It takes a lot of effort. Some lucky ones get to do it at ease, but some of them, like me, just can't.

And most of all, please do not tell the breastfeeding mothers that they're producing so little milk! For goodness sake, do you know how hard they work to get those? JUST.NEVER.EVER. I've received this kind of comments before, and it hurts.

And, don't judge a mother when she decided to stop breastfeeding or pumping. It's hard enough to make the decision, so please don't ever judge.

I never regret I pumped for the first six months. And I never regret that I've switched to formula milk fully too.

It's just part of our life that we need to make choices and sometimes, the choice may be different from the rest.

Make your choice, stay with it, and be happy with it.

Oh by the way, my life got better about one and a half months ago, when he learned how to hold his bottle.

My good boy holding his milk bottle!

9 Months into The Journey

Few days ago, baby turned 9 months old.

Grin from ear to ear

Look at him, happy to be a big boy!

He has 7 teeth as of today, 4 on the top, 3 at the bottom. Why is it not 8? I do not understand. Apart from growing teeth much faster than other babies, my baby is a lazy little one. He wouldn't try doing anything because he knows we will do it for him. He will just lie there, and look at you with his innocent yet manipulative look.

He hasn't crawled. He tried to, move his tummy bit by bit forward a few times. To follow where the music from, but after a few trials, he stopped. Why? Again, I do not understand. Maybe he felt he has known how to do it, and it's not any fun anyway.

He doesn't like his solid food. He's tried banana, apples, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, cereal, brown rice cereal, avocado, mango, and didn't fall in love in any of them. Except, durians! He ate durians last week and he was so happy he wanted more! OMG.

He loves music. He will dance and sway when we sing his favourite songs. He will dance to the music I turn on with my PC or mobile phone for him. He will calm down when I play "Whistle while you work" on my mobile for him. Music is my tool.

He's also a very loving baby. He has learned how to give us kisses since he was about 7 months. He will always pull our faces close to him to kiss. This morning, as usual he's a good boy lying in his cot playing in his own world before I discovered he's awake. I washed my hands and opened the curtains before I come around to carry him. The moment I lifted him, he shouted "wow" happily and give me a big kiss on the cheek. Isn't that lovely? I guess he's really happy I finally found out he's awake and decided to carry him. How adorable!

9 months into the journey, it's just a beginning.

我六个月了

慢慢的，我六个月了！

看到两颗小牙齿吗？

我成长得不是很快，自从五个月学会翻身以后，我对周边事物还是没有很多兴趣。玩具感觉上很幼稚，摸一摸也就算了。还是比较喜欢摸摸爸爸妈妈的脸颊，抓一抓妈妈和外婆的长发，比玩具有意思。

我五个月半就开始长牙，下排的两颗小小的牙齿，大家都说好快！可是长牙实在辛苦，有一个晚上我完全睡不着，老是起身老是觉得痛。还好牙齿露出来以后，就不疼了。

妈妈昨天第一次让我吃cereal，我不是很会吞，大概吃了一半。今天我好像捉到了窍门，把大部分都吃进去了。明天好想再吃。

第一次吃cereal的模样，很像老阿伯

I Just Don't Fancy a Jab

Please, let this be over

The first six months of a baby's life is full of vaccinations. For everything you can name and you can't name.

And those things, can be a family's nightmare.

Baby doesn't like his jab (who likes it anyway), bringing him to one is kind of torture for all parties. And the worst part is always the after math. Sometimes, he develop fever after the jab and refuse to eat for several days. That was so much pain in the ass (for his case, it's the thigh) for us.

I'm glad it's all over now for the first 6 months. The next major one will be another 6 months away. Phewww...

Besides, we're finally back to Singapore again. This time, without my mom. Time for a disciplined life.

Fly Me To The Moon

Sources of animated cloud and animated moon

Warning: Please do not zoom in.

Crappy photoshop skills resulted zillions of flaws in the picture.
Zoom in at your own risk.
Zoom in if you think you look pale and need to pink up your face, go ahead, zoom in and face palm.