|Her cuteness is just overwhelming!|
I spent a lot more time with my second child than any other human being in this world. I teach her everything she's interested in, I spend my time making sure she runs around, mess around as much as she likes. I try my best to make sure she has a happy childhood, and not a lonely one.
Sometimes I watch her sleep, and I told myself I'm such a lucky mother to have her. Before her, I was a mess. I spent a lot of time having emotional roller coasters, crying and stressing over how I should handle my first child and what future is like for him.
When I was carrying her, I made sure my emotion was as stable as it could be. I didn't want to cause her any damage from the starting line. And now that she's communicating in her baby way, I no longer feel that I am talking to the wall the whole day. I am finally getting responses, even though not from both kids.
Sometimes I feel worried for her, does she feel lonely when the big brother doesn't want to play with her? Did I put too much invisible stress on her for hoping that she will be the one who leads the big brother for more and better progress? Do I sometimes neglect her needs of being a small baby for more cuddling and pampering because I have to focus on the elder one?
I find it hard to find a balance. On one hand, I am afraid of putting on too much attention playing with her and neglect the non communicating brother. On another hand, I am afraid that I give in to the brother more often than her, that will result her to feel neglected. And often, I fall in the the pit we call "mom guilt" and it sucks.
Beyond this cuteness, I'm always worried if anything I do or did wrongly would damage her one way or another. And most of all, sometimes I have a strong feeling that, I cannot lose this child. She is the most important thing to me.