2017年8月13日星期日

我要更勇敢面对

大儿子是迟缓儿,已经不是新闻。

从一开始,就是一味的避开,认为他应该是慢啊,可能会跟上。到后来看医生,开始各种各样的治疗。再后来,慢慢把心放开,跟好朋友说得开来。

但是,我始终踏不出去的,就是在更多普通朋友面前,放开的承认这件事。

我是没有必要做这个交代,我生活里的事其实没有欠任何人。但是心里总觉得,如果我可以更放开的,摊开的,那我就进一步克服我的心理障碍。

我正在慢慢的迈入这个阶段。

慢慢的

慢慢的

我可以的

迷恋的望着好久不见的大姨

他最爱我们逛街买吃的

无奈的,蓝莓一下子被吃光了

这个进步得来不易,上学确实是好事

妹妹很可爱,妹妹的加入,慢慢的带给哥哥一点点的刺激。希望这样也会刺激他的进度

2017年6月30日星期五

Stop! Just Stop!

Few days ago, I saw some random sharing on Facebook, of a woman breastfeeding her baby in Parlimen while delivering her speech. And whoever that shared the series of photos captioned the post, asking women to stop giving themselves excuses to leave their career and dreams behind to take care of their children, and only think about sweeping the floor and keep the house clean (something along this line).

This caption, needless to say, makes me uncomfortable.

While I think the mother's action is great and inspiring, I think it's not ok to shame mothers that stay at home to take care of their children.

There's NOTHING wrong to stay at home to take care of the children.

Let me say this again, NOTHING's WRONG!

We do NOT give up our dreams for nothing. It's for the kids, for the family. And who says we do not have our dreams, we have, we just hit a PAUSE for now, we'll get back to it when the kids grow up and care for themselves better. And sometimes, in between the "seems impossible to have time" me-time, we do our best to improve ourselves, work a little towards our dreams.

Trust me when I tell you all mothers who decided to stay at home took a big step. It's one of the hardest decision they have ever made and they took A BLOODY LONG time to decide this is it.

And sometimes mothers still feel a bit of self conscious, so it's no help when you shame them by saying "only think about sweeping the floor"! Excuse me, someone has to do the dirty job anyway!

Everybody has reasons behind the decision that you may not understand.

Please share some love, working mothers or stay at home mothers, they're all about hard work, dedication and love to the family.

Shame no more.

2017年6月28日星期三

Feed The Mommy——Cheat Pizza or Wrap

When I cook for only myself, I like to cook as simple as possible, least effort required but still taste good.

I always turn to my mom (if I'm cooking Chinese food) and Pinterest if I need any inspiration. As I've taken too much pasta (and bacon!) in the previous weeks, last week I bought a packet of wrap, and there goes my life with cheat pizzas and wrap for lunch.

Cheat pizza is great, but I have no imagination and only made tuna pizza. That's absolutely boring. So I go to Pinterest and search for pizza toppings. And boy oh boy, I never regret!

Mushrooms, Cherry Tomato and Spinach on Sundried Tomato Pesto

Easiest of all
I've got this idea from here. I've always loved sundried tomato pesto but never have I thought of using it as the base of the cheat pizza.

I did not have basil, I used baby spinach to ensure I have my daily greens. I actually top baby spinach on the pizza after it's done baking but it wasn't show in the picture.

Instead of using just Parmesan, I used my premixed package of cheese, with cheddar, Parmesan and Mozzarella, used primarily for baking. I think this premix is the life saver for people like me who do not want to grate the cheese myself.

Smoked Salmon and Avocado Pizza

Colourful combi

A closer look
I've got this idea from here.

And again I made some changes on my own, based on whatever I have. I didn't have dill so I skipped it. I didn't mix the cream cheese with garlic, instead I just spread them separately in layers on top of my wrap. I used my premixed cheese, I didn't add onions because I was feeling lazy, I didn't have rocket leaves so again I used baby spinach.

Love every bite of this pizza! Will definitely do this again when there's any promotion on avocado!

Roasted Vege Wrap with Avocado

All the greens, made me feel so healthy :P
I've got this idea from here.

But if you noticed, the author of the page says avocado dip. Mine? It's just avocado. I was too lazy to whip up the dip and I like avocado, I'm confident that with just plain avocado it'll taste good too. And I'm right.

I didn't quite like cauliflower so I replaced with broccoli, I didn't have chili powder, garam masala etc, so I seasoned the chickpeas and broccoli with only pepper, salt and mixed herbs.

As you can see from the picture above, I made so much fillings, my wrap cannot be wrapper and I ended up eating it like a pizza 😅

Buy a packet of wrap (always buy garlic flavoured!) and give it a try! It's soo sooo soooooo convenient and you can still make yourself healthy meal.

2017年6月17日星期六

有苦自己知

最近和一位大学同学联络上,联络上的原因就是我频频在脸书和Instagram PO自己书写或涂鸦的一些卡片。没想到有时候这些卡片会引起一点点小注意,就有朋友开始问我,怎么做的,该买什么样的笔,等等的问题。

就是这张食谱卡

我想比较仔细地回答他,就私下联系。聊着聊着,她说我很棒,一人照顾两个还可以有自己的时间,做自己爱做的事。我苦笑,放在网上的往往是一些美好的画面,混乱的、低落的、不高兴的……脸书上往往都不会出现。都是报喜不报忧。所以,有苦自己知啊。

那种为孩子的焦虑,那种问天为什么对他不公平、那种四处奔跑只为能给他的现状一点帮助、那种一带二四处奔跑得累、那种一发烧好像天要塌下来的担忧、那种频频质问自己哪里做错了、那种对小女儿每一小动作都很在意,希望那一切正常的压力……

在重重的压力之下,我有时候会发脾气、有时候会流眼泪、有时候会很低落。

有时候,很寂寞。

在这样的情况之下,我要是不给自己一点呼吸的空间。不让自己做点自己爱做的事,恐怕那颗心承受不了。做了让自己开心点,照顾孩子也可以顾得好一点。

况且,一技之长,学一学,不知道以后会不会用上?(厚脸皮)

老公不在家时常常会出现的画面,更严重的都有,老公没在,没人给我拍下

我也有这样的一天,用youtube来顾孩子 ~_~;
之前,我对于把大儿子送去托儿所全天有点过意不去。觉得自己明明就在家里,还把他送去。现在,在托儿所全天已经半个月了。我的思想也改变了。其实,他去整天或许对我、对他、对妹妹是好事。(对老公的口袋是坏事)

对我,我可以比较轻松的面对。不需要每天都紧紧张张的过完一天。至少我只紧张早上和傍晚时分。

对他,他有更多的活动。如果在家里,我忙着看顾他两,还有家务,还要煮三餐,都是在survivor mode中度过,根本就没有时间给他活动。而且,现在在学校都肯睡午觉了,心里稍微安慰一点。

对妹妹,更是好事。至少妹妹每一天有一段时间,可以和我好好相处。像哥哥一样,拥有和妈妈在一起的亲子时间。而不是躺在一旁,等我忙忙忙。

之前有位网友在脸书上,对把教养孩子的事情交给别人这个课题发表很多言论。虽然我知道他不是在说我(我们现实生活中完全不认识),但我还是对号入座了。我其实很想发言,很想告诉他,你家里没有一个特殊孩子,你不明白有时候我们就是需要专人来帮我们,然后教导我们应该怎样教养他,处理生活各个方面的问题。但我终究没有发言,因为我不喜欢告诉别人,我家有个折翼天使。

虚拟世界里的我,过得好像很轻松自在。

其实真的,有苦自己知。

2017年6月14日星期三

Feed The Mommy——My Very Own Version of Carbonara

I like carbonara, but I haven't been eating for a long time due to my pregnancy. (The egg used in carbonara is not fully cooked) Actually, pregnancy is not the only reason, I can't feed my son half cooked eggs too, so I actually haven't been eating carbonara for a long time!

I used to cook carbonara using Jamie Oliver's recipe. I roughly remember how, but I wanted to be sure so I tried to search for it. But I can't find it! Dang! So instead, I browsed around a few other websites, and decided to just make up my own.

And you know what? I like my version, so much so I'd like to write it down for my future reference.

Carbonara and a cup of decaf

Ingredients:

  1. Two slices of streaky bacon
  2. Two cloves of garlic
  3. A handful of baby spinach
  4. An egg
  5. Mixture of parmesan, cheddar, mozarella and feta cheese
  6. A tablespoon of cooking cream
  7. Pasta of your choice
Method:
  1. Separate egg white and yolk.
  2. Add the cheese mixture and cream into the egg white.
  3. Dice the bacon and mince the garlic.
  4. Cook the pasta as per instructed on the packet and fry the bacon.
  5. As the oil from streaky bacon ooze out, add the garlic into the pan.
  6. At the last minute of your pasta cooking, add the spinach (you do not want to overcook them, so one minute is just nice)
  7. Drain the water from your pasta and spinach, keep some pasta water. 
  8. Add the pasta and spinach into the pan, stir them well so the pasta would soak the delicious bacon oil.
  9. Take the pan off the heat.
  10. Slowly pour the egg white and cheese mixture in and stir them well. (If you think it's too thick, you can add a little pasta water you keep, I usually don't)
  11. Serve the pasta in a plate, make a small hole in the middle and place the egg yolk.
  12. Stir the pasta and egg yolk well before you eat, the heat from the pasta will cook the egg.
Tadaa~~~ 

I really like how creamy this pasta is. Besides, a plate of good carbonara and coffee for lunch, makes it feel like I'm having a luxury me time in a cafe! (Even though I'm just really rushing off to cook myself a meal when baby is sleeping!)

2017年5月14日星期日

Happy Mother's Day


In the past 31 months of being a mother, I have never really thought too much about future. It struck me the other day when I was in shower, that these two babies in the house are going to stick with me forever! Like how my mom is stuck with us.

F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

Family, a group of people whom we grow up with, without ever given a choice.

You can unfriend a friend.
You can befriend an enemy.
You can breakup with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
You can divorce your partner.
You can resign from you employer.
You can hate an idol you used to love.

There are so many relationships in your world that you can chose to be involved, but not family. And of all, the bond between a parent to children has to be the most intimate of all.

Whether she's a terrible mother or a terrific mother, she's always going to be your mother, forever.
Whether he's a terrible father or a terrific father, he's always going to be your father, forever.
Whether your children are naughty or nice, they will always be your children, forever.

No return policy. Not even customer service to complain.

As a relatively new mother, just a few months shy from 3 years, I really hope I did okay and will do better! And I know everybody says the same and I'm still going to say it, you only realised how much your mother went through when you're one!

Happy Mother's Day!

2017年4月26日星期三

进步了,微笑了

怀孕的时候,会想象以后怎样怎样带孩子。牵着他的小手去游乐场,在草场上追逐,在家里用诺大张的画纸胡乱涂鸦,踏青看花看草看小鸟……种种的美好画面,至今都还没有实现。

说没有心灰是自欺欺人的。但日子总要过,漫漫长路还是得对自己好一点。Happy Mommy, Happy Family。自己要不放宽心,连累家人就不好。这些日子以来,还是要称赞枕边人的坚强,往往在我面对不了的时候,鼓励我。最重要的一句话,“自己都照顾不好自己,怎样照顾好他?”

眼泪吞下去,日子一样过。

去年从新西兰回来,决定小孩不可以再这样下去,积极的寻找治疗。Early intervention七月开始,Physiotherapy 十月开始。一路走来,进步不少。从不敢走路,变成牵着手走路。从只敢在室内走路,慢慢延伸到室外。从到游乐场哭哭啼啼,到现在在不抗拒(还是不玩,但至少不哭)。

以前一直不明白为什么他不肯走,会走了还是捉得实实的不放手。后来才知道,是缺乏信心。我甚至怀疑,他是自卑吗?年纪这么小,会感到自卑吗?

曾经有一位长辈,看着别的小孩跑来跑去,就跟小子说:“你看别人都跑了,你还要抱抱。”我听了很气,但不可以发火,只好以我最平静的口气说,不可以这样说,每个小孩都是不一样的。千万别以为他听不懂,他不说话,但什么都懂。即使你无意,还是会伤他弱小的心灵。

对,他是慢。但贵在努力,贵在有进步。他的每一个小进步,我们都开心的庆祝。我们的努力没有白费,老师们和治疗师们的功劳也不小。

漫漫长路,孩子,加油!

还记得上一次带他和朋友的小孩一起在这里玩,玩得他哭哭啼啼的

最喜欢玩水,雨天好开心

一路走回家,对身边的事物一样一样的研究

很喜欢学校的秋千

今天他勇敢的在室外走来走去,今天由他主导我们的路线

我要坚强,为自己,为两个小瓜。

2017年3月11日星期六

为母则强

一天里面发生了三次痉挛。

第一次,在他的睡梦中。我刚好醒着,帮小妹妹换尿片。听见一声不象他平时会发出的声音,心里一沉,马上知道什么事情。

第二次,已经从医院急诊室回来,睡了一觉,喝了一瓶奶。看卡通,我确保没有发烧,就吃饭去,要爸陪他,结果,他再度发出那种声音(爸爸以为他看戏兴奋),又痉挛,送院。

第三次,在医院里,我已经撑不住,歇斯底里的对着护士和医生喊叫。

一天里面三次,即使你已经看过痉挛很多遍,一分钟都是太长。

今天他的情况改进不少,我躺在床上陪他。听见隔壁的小孩告诉拜访的亲友:“Last night the baby beside me almost died.”。是的,我的哭声,我的喊叫声,是谁都会以为是那回事。当我看着他痉挛三次,一天里面三次,我也以为我会失去他。叫一个小小的身躯怎样承受这种痛苦?

上网读到的一些父母分享的事,心里更加难受。就是,小孩晚上痉挛,睡梦中没人知道,隔天起床,孩子已经走了。即使医生常常说发高烧痉挛是很普遍的事,那么死亡呢?是不是有更好的方法来避免?是不是有更好的方法来第一时间发现并急救?

再普遍的症状,看在父母眼里都是一种痛。我成长以来,从来都不在父母面前哭。昨天撑不住了,抱着妈妈哭。无助啊,很无助,你很想帮他,你很爱他,你很怕失去他,可是苦于,“这是很普遍的现象,但至今没有方法治疗”。

昨天真的很想狠狠的在墙上送一拳……或者打爆什么,或者大力把玻璃瓶子扔碎的冲动……

为母则强?

我不知道,强不起来,只希望一切他顺利健康的成长。

2017年3月4日星期六

我和喂人奶这码事

从来都不是等号。

大儿子出世的时候,医院都是鼓励妈妈喂人奶的。住院的那两天其实还可以,孩子还是有吸的,虽然吸的也不是特好,至少在护士的帮助之下还是吸了。结果,出院当天因为儿子的黄疸指数偏高,需要留院照灯。多留一晚的他,护士用奶瓶喂奶,回家就不再吸(.)(.)了。严重到我一脱衣服他就哭。挣扎好久,最后我成了exclusively pump mother。因为奶水不足,所以六个月之内,都是人奶和奶粉混着喝。

女儿出世之前,我知道喂人奶很难。生产前比以前多做点功课,希望第二胎会成功。成功对我有点重要,因为大儿子现在出门基本上只带衣服,奶粉啊食物啊都不带。所以我希望我成功喂人奶呢,那就只带两兄妹的衣服出门就对了。

但是万万没想到,第二胎也是一样难。不是她不吸,而是她觉得我的(.)(.)太舒服。一碰上就睡觉,一离开就清醒大哭(因为还是很饿),然后猛吸几口再睡着。这种折磨可维持1-2个小时后,她才甘愿乖乖的喝15分钟。然后一个小时以后又哭了,又在重复!这样下来,出院的那一天我基本上没睡觉。

隔一天,我为了自己的睡眠,用了几次奶瓶。结果,女儿就学会了咬!没有牙齿的她,都可以咬到我(.)出血!痛不欲生啊!所以,我又再一度成为exclusively pump mother。

亲喂人奶这码事,好像永远都不关我的事。不知道为什么,就是太难了。都是在孩子出世一周以内放弃的事。有些事情,真的是望尘莫及的~

放弃亲喂以后,妈妈才开始有力气为她拍照~

计划赶不上变化

因为计划催生,我跟朋友说,我怀两胎都从来不是顺产。不知道那是什么滋味。

是女儿心急?还是女儿知道妈妈在想什么?周六清晨,我被阵痛吓醒。当时还很模糊,觉得可能是假象(好多孕妇在接近产期会有的现象),看了时钟,倒头再睡。结果,第二次阵痛再次来袭!而且很痛!看闹钟,什么?!才过十五分钟??!!!

还在犹豫该怎么办,犹豫该不该把男人和妈妈叫醒。想想,还是先上大号(觉得自己做了很聪明的选择)。上完大号,我竟然继续倒头睡。结果,15分钟后的阵痛再次来袭~~~这次我真的醒了!心想,再来第四次就该把大家叫醒了!

然后,和大家形容的一样,洗澡啊,赶快吃早餐啊,准备所有用品,还给儿子喂奶,换衣,告诉他妈妈要生妹妹了,很快就可以和妹妹见面!这样一拖再拖,我到医院已经是两个小时多以后的事。

打针,等待,然后,入院的四个小时以后,女儿就呱呱落地啦~

原本啊,周六我还打算吃点心,吃mac and cheese,吃这吃那……结果,计划赶不上变化,女儿迫不及待见我们,我也就尝试了一次顺产。

小瓜和她出世前我为她准备的卡

坐月子本来就不是容易的事,现在两个瓜,真的是大便都不得空~~~

2017年2月24日星期五

来了来了!

生命
来了来了!

一切安好,一切正常,但为了安全起见,我们还是选择了催生。

我生活的Reset Button又来了!

2017年2月18日星期六

同是天涯沦落人吗?

Auto created by Google Photos

盼了很久,孩子终于都进入普通托儿所。也不是很普通,这家托儿所还是有和别家不同之处,他有自家的治疗师,所以托儿所有收特殊儿童。之前孩子报名但无法被接受,因为他不会走路。托儿所很好,一直替孩子把位子留着。直到今年一月,院长打电话通知我,不能再保留了,如果再不收留孩子,就得把位子让出来了。

所以,回家过年前,我比考试还紧张,把孩子带去托儿所,让治疗师看看状况,看看他们是否有信心让他加入大家庭。我们很想让孩子进入这家托儿所,我们希望他可以更快融入普通学习环境。再来,托儿所很靠近我家,走路可到。发现自己怀孕以后,我就一直担心,怎么把两个瓜带出门。带着新生儿在外头耗三个小时对新生儿不好,但是来回的时间都耗上一个小时,很费时费事。一直在想办法,都没想出所以然。

回家过年期间,托儿所电邮通知孩子过完年可进入托儿所。我们都松了一口气!真的是,来的太是时候了。

新学校新环境,哭是必然的。家长可以陪孩子三天。我天天都陪他在那里吃早餐(他爱吃,所以吃可以让他静下来),静下来以后我就悄悄的离开。第三天,我不走,我悄悄在课室后面观望。来了一位爱心洋溢在脸上的爸爸,我们两就聊了起来。

我问他哪位是他的孩子,才发现,啊,他孩子就是那位带着厚厚眼睛的小男孩。问他孩子什么事,才知道孩子是早产儿,出世才700公克,出世就挨过很多手术,前前后后在医院住过一年。还有一位女儿,和儿子是龙凤胎,比儿子更小,才600公克。现在还在特殊学校。两公婆和帮佣轮流两边跑,听得出来,那种累是没人可以了解的。可是,父亲眼里的爱,说起孩子的进展,嘴角牵起的微笑,让你深深体会父爱母爱的伟大。

我在后面观望了好一阵子,肚子饿的咕咕叫了,跟大家打声招呼就走了。回家路上,想着想着两个龙凤胎,眼泪忍不住流了下来。同是天涯论人,那种煎熬我明白。当初未能接受孩子的状况,常常以泪洗脸。现在也总算熬了过来。进展是有的,慢慢来吧~

可以的,加油。

2017年2月6日星期一

2016年6月3日


我有几本大大小小的笔记本。有些用过了,有些用完了,有些没用过。我从中学就有这种坏习惯,很喜欢买笔记本,然后,都不一定用上。曾经一度我发誓我再也不买了,然后我陆陆续续的,把手头上的笔记本都用完。真骄傲。

然后,世界上有样东西叫淘宝,坏习惯又来了~

去年,我买了一本,小小本的,其实完全不知道要用来干嘛,就是买了。然后去年五月,儿子生了一场大病入院。我在医院睡了几晚,几乎每晚都睡不着,就把笔记本带去,写起日记来。

这个年龄写日记不像以前那么认真。偶尔写几句,然后就搁在一旁,可能几个月都不会提笔。甚至忘记我几个月前有写过日记。

刚刚,我在给自己记下要为第二胎准备的事项,然后看着我很久没用的书桌,决定还是得理一理。就这样,翻开去年写下的日记。

就这一面,我只写下“为不是妈妈的自己加油”。

偶尔翻开日记是好事。

不是妈妈的我,是谁?想干什么?想成为什么?

不是妈妈的我没有什么伟大的梦想。但有很多很多想做的事,排山倒海的,要做都做不完。而且,有个坏习惯就是从来都不够专注,这里一点那里一点,结果总是做不完。

我在网上完成了两个简单的网络课程,一个是Introduction to Graphic Design, 一个是Introduction to Typography。
现在,我手头上玩玩的有,Handlettering、画卡片。
之前还和朋友讨论要画儿童书(我写她画),进行到一半没有进展。
收集了很多大大小小的玻璃罐想弄点小灯饰都还没弄。
买了几个米白色的环保袋想自己画点图案上去,结果不成功,还没有弄上一个。
之前买了acrylic paint,只画过两次。
我的50mm的摄影也停了好久。
我未读完的书本一堆又一堆。
我生锈了的手,在儿子还没出世之前弹的琴也搁了。
我的瑜伽也完全停了。
我还想尝试Adobe Illustrator来玩玩。

反正要学要做的很多,然后这边一点那边一点,都没完成。

跟自己说,不要紧,不要急。不是妈妈的我拥有的时间很少,有时候想做事,有时候什么事都不想做。所以,每件事都慢了下来。

只要有为不是妈妈的自己努力,哪怕一点,哪怕慢。

💪

2017年1月21日星期六

A Moment We've Been Waiting For

Yes, just walking into the classroom leisurely with new Mickey backpack

We've been waiting for this day to happen, to see our son walks independently. He is currently 2 years and 3 months old.

Have you seen movies where the parents were so happy when the baby makes the first step? Yea, it's not like what I have ever imagined. Our baby boy never did make a clear line of when was the day he finally took his first step.

He's been cruising around since... I can't even remember. He's been cruising long enough. And when I brought him to Sydney, he walked if I held his two hands behind him, he even chased seagulls like that. And then slowly we held one hand. And, we stuck at that stage for a very long time too. Then one fine day, he walked two steps towards me when I'm helping him to work out and warm up his muscles. And that too, we were stuck there for a long time.

And then two steps became three, became five, became ten, gradually. And finally this year, he walks into the classroom on his own. From the beginning of the year till this Wednesday, he still needed a lot of encouragement. I always drop him early, always one of the earliest to reach the center. And teachers are still not occupied at that time, and they form such an entourage. One will be helping him with his stuffs (parents are not allowed to accompany the child into the classroom), one will be in front of him to encourage him, to assure him that if he falls she'll be there, one will be at the side, one at the classroom calling his name etc. It is always a BIG thing when he walks in, every single time.

And this Wednesday, as I was talking to the director of the center, the teacher told me, he's already in the room. Whoa! That's my boy! And I thought, the backpack I ordered last month can finally be in good use! I've been waiting for this moment! This backpack is to symbolise that he finally made it, on his own! But unlike the movie, no tears, no drama, just simply happy and grateful.

Grateful that it finally happens! Grateful that it pays off, all our effort! Grateful that we've got all these helps from therapists and teachers!

Good job my boy! Good job!

2017年1月15日星期日

Mother's Luck, Mother's Instinct

My son is sick again. He has a tendency of febrile seizure when his body temperature goes too high or changes too quickly. We hate having him fever, not that any parents would like it, but when fit is in the equation, there's even more reason to hate!

He had blocked nose after we came back from Penang. We've watched him carefully, and yesterday the blocked nose seem to get better. We thought it is a relief. But we did notice he kept drinking water. He hates drinking water. But since very young, every time before he falls sick he would drink a lot, and double eyelid would develop. Now that the double eyelid is fully permanent, it's no longer an indication.

We all went to sleep like our usual arrangement. We on our bed, he in his baby cot right next to me. Peacefully, or so we thought.

In my sleep this morning, 6.33am to be exact, I heard his voice, but not the usual one. I did not know what caught me, I jumped up immediately and shouted to The Man to switch on the lights. And we caught him in the middle of the fit. The Man acted quicker than I do as usual, he handled everything while I watched the time, prepare medicine, water, wet handkerchief, everything to pat the temperature down.

When everything is under controlled, I can only say, I'm relieved and I'm shocked. I'm relieved that with pure luck and instinct as my friend said, I managed to hear the little noise from him in my deep sleep. I'm shocked that, what if I didn't catch it, what if none of us hear it, what will happen!!!

I'm keeping him close tonight when I sleep. Real close.

I love him no matter what, I want him to be strong, healthy and happy. He's always my baby.

A collage auto created by Google Photos, my lovely dearest son