Again, I'm pretty sure nobody is reading, that's why I'm continuing here. Perhaps I should change the title of the blog, it is no longer about my photography hobby anyway...
After the weeks long of episodes of meltdowns by my son and myself, I finally made an appointment for myself at counselling center. Because it's getting clear that no matter what I did or did not do, my outburst of emotions did not improve. In fact, they got worse.
Funny as it is, even making a call seems to be a start of healing. Making a call seemed to be somewhat relieved, it's the first step I officiated this entire episode.
I went to the first session today. I was surprised by the overall coziness of the counselling center for a start. I guess the settings do help people to relax and talk more openly.
I've never been to any counselling session in my whole life. I did not know what to expect but I did know I will end up crying. Because open up yourself means facing your biggest pain. And also, while the counsellor puts things gently, with her soothing voice, it doesn't mean the reality is easy to take in.
She said, this reality will never change.
I laughed bitterly and told her, you're not comforting at all.
She encourages me on things I already knew, like continue pursuing of my dreams, because that helps in self worth and existential crisis in myself. And attend support groups, which I have had wrong perceptions about.
I am still considering about the support group, I guess I will.
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