My little one stayed one extra night in hospital while I was discharged due to jaundice. During the particular extra day, he was fed formula and some of my expressed breastmilk through syringe. Since then, he hates my nipples.
It has been difficult for him to suck properly because my nipples are a little short and flat. And ever since the extra night he stayed, he refused to latch on. He has "evolved" so much from our breastfeeding training sessions, towards the end he cried on the first sight I took off my clothes! What a clever boy, I was frustrated but at the same time found it very funny! (You've got to learn how to make some jokes out of yourself)
Then, I became an exclusively pump mother. It's hard sometimes because the supply is not as much as we want. And even baby has started to sleep 5 hours straight at times, I can only get at most 4 hours. And there are so much work after pump, the washing and sanitising, and the caring for my precious breasts.
So many problems come along with breastfeeding, blocked duct, nipple crack, sore nipples, abrasion etc. I've had all of them in one month and before my son even reached his full month I've already considered stopping. But like all mothers, we believe it's the best, we hesitated. Then, things got better and I continued.
Every single time I have problems with my nipples, I doubt myself, how long will I continue. How many times should I endure such hardship? How much is enough? However, at times I do feel good about being a pump mother, when I feel tired or when I need to be out, my family can just warm the milk that I've pumped and stored to feed. I do not have to be the only one to care for him.
My helpful friends added me into some of the breastfeeding groups on Facebook. Sometimes I found some helpful notes but after a very short time I found it super annoying, 99% of the time. A lot of the mothers are highly against the idea of formula feed. They condemned mothers who top up with formula milk, as if the mothers are the worst mothers of all. My mother fed us with formula, full formula, all the three of us. We grew up just fine and we're all having very close relationship with my mother. And I think my mother is the best!
There's nothing wrong with formula milk! Please do not make mothers who feed the baby formula milk any worse than a fully breastfeed one. Breastfeeding does not come easy for all the women, so do respect them for whatever reason they've decided to stop.
The most fulfilling part of being a mother, now I'm one of them, is to see my baby grow well. The best moment of all, is my baby smile to me happily and wanting to play with me. All these, have nothing to do with breastmilk or formula.
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| At his 7th week, he's all happy to play with me :) |
Whether you formula feed or breastfeed your baby, most importantly is to have good communication with your family members, especially the husband for best support.
My man has the best philosophy about feeding the baby, he says, "If you're too tired and you're facing so much problems, you won't be well enough to take care of yourself and the baby. Life is not just about pumping milk. As long as it's taking its toll on you, stop it."
I'm still a pump mother now. I do not know how long I'd like to carry on but I know I will not feel any guilt when I decided to wean. Nobody should.
